Heart-broken

Where to even start? We’ve joined a club we never wanted to join. We found out today we've lost our baby. We are devastated. Is it the end of the world? No. Will our broken hearts heal? Yes. But for now, we're pretty bruised. This baby was quite a surprise from the beginning. We weren't planning on having a third child. At least I wasn't. David always wanted a third one and I was the one saying no. When I found out this baby was on its way I had some adjusting to do. David was just ecstatic. Over the course of the last month and a half, though, I had gotten quite excited about having another baby. I was dreaming about a brother for Jacob – another little boy for him to grow up with and have all kinds of wild adventures with. Or a sister for Lia. I don’t have a sister and it’s no secret that I miss that relationship. It’s something I’ll never have but would love more than anything to be able to give that to Lia.

The baby stopped growing some time back, but of course we didn’t know that. I’m still having some pregnancy symptoms simply because I’m still carrying the baby. In my head I know it’s better that the baby died as there is a reason for it, however, my heart just hurts. I know it will get better. What does this mean for our future? I don’t know, but I do hope it includes another baby.