Empty Arms

I have no idea where to start.  I guess “I hurt” would be a good place.  Mentally. Emotionally.  Today is the day our baby was due.  Of course there will be no baby for us.  I know there are others in harder situations than ours.  I know others have suffered much more than we have.  I know we already have two healthy, beautiful, wonderful children.  I know something was wrong with our third baby or s/he wouldn’t have died.  I know so many things with my head.  But my heart doesn’t care.  My heart only understands emotions, and right now those emotions are pretty painful.  Someone wrote “The loss of an unborn child leaves no physical evidence to the rest of the world. Their smiling face and bright future are left only in the dreams and hopes of the parents. We grieve every day for what could have been. We sit at the dinner table where there could be another plate.  We wish that there was one more smiling face in the family portrait. So many wonder how can you miss something you never had.”  Those words are so true.  The thing is, we did have that child.  But it was only for a little while.  And though they never left any marks in the world, they left marks in our hearts.

You never said you’re leaving,

You never said goodbye.

You were gone before I knew it,

And only God knows why.

A million times I’ve missed you,

A million times I’ve cried.

If love alone could have saved you,

You never would have died.

To some you are forgotten,

To others just part of the past;

But to me who loved and lost you,

Your love will always last.

In life I loved you dearly,

In death I love you still.

In my heart you hold a place,

That nobody could ever fill.

It broke my heart to lose you,

But you didn’t go alone.

For part of me went with you,

The day God took you home.

~Unknown

I wish instead of crying today because of the loss of our baby, I was crying for joy.  For the joy of announcing the birth of our Bennett James or Presley Ann.