Us

As I look through past blog posts I see a million pictures of my kids, some of myself (thanks to Carin and her challenges), but not many of David.  And certainly not many of us together. Sooo...here we are.  In all of our "just chilling at home on the back porch with a couple of friends" glory. 

We had a couple of friends over for hamburgers grilled outside and a game of dominoes. (I introduced you to their Mom here.) These photos are not the greatest quality as far as coloring, lighting, yadda, yadda, yadda - but they tell a story.  A story about how we spent one evening just enjoying our life - it's not fancy, it gets a bit messy sometimes, but at the end of the day we have no regrets and just enjoy who we are. 

Lia gets her back tickled by Clint.  Much giggling ensued.

Jacob has a little fun with Adam.

On to the dominoes...David gets a little help from his best girl...

...as Clint gets help from his best little buddy.

And no matter how messy life gets, everything can be made better by a telephone call to Papa.  This is an everyday occurrence at our house.  She doesn't say much, but she sure does love to hear his voice.  It's the highlight of her day. 

I think there's a lesson here for me.  Get in touch with my Heavenly Father every day,  don't say much, and do a whole lot of listening.  

(yes, yes, she has cuts, scrapes, bruises, and ketchup all over her - much like real life!)

On to a piano concert before bath time.

As you can see, she puts on quite a show - much like most aspects of her life.

Not to be outdone by his sister, Jacob impressed us with his strength and balancing skilz.

And that, my friends, is how we spent our Sunday evening.

Just Because...

...this makes me smile.

Yes, yes, there is a story behind this photo.  I'll eventually get this blog caught up and I'll yack about what is going on here...in the mean time I want to see something that makes me smile when I pull up my blog.

Empty Arms

I have no idea where to start.  I guess “I hurt” would be a good place.  Mentally. Emotionally.  Today is the day our baby was due.  Of course there will be no baby for us.  I know there are others in harder situations than ours.  I know others have suffered much more than we have.  I know we already have two healthy, beautiful, wonderful children.  I know something was wrong with our third baby or s/he wouldn’t have died.  I know so many things with my head.  But my heart doesn’t care.  My heart only understands emotions, and right now those emotions are pretty painful.  Someone wrote “The loss of an unborn child leaves no physical evidence to the rest of the world. Their smiling face and bright future are left only in the dreams and hopes of the parents. We grieve every day for what could have been. We sit at the dinner table where there could be another plate.  We wish that there was one more smiling face in the family portrait. So many wonder how can you miss something you never had.”  Those words are so true.  The thing is, we did have that child.  But it was only for a little while.  And though they never left any marks in the world, they left marks in our hearts.

You never said you’re leaving,

You never said goodbye.

You were gone before I knew it,

And only God knows why.

A million times I’ve missed you,

A million times I’ve cried.

If love alone could have saved you,

You never would have died.

To some you are forgotten,

To others just part of the past;

But to me who loved and lost you,

Your love will always last.

In life I loved you dearly,

In death I love you still.

In my heart you hold a place,

That nobody could ever fill.

It broke my heart to lose you,

But you didn’t go alone.

For part of me went with you,

The day God took you home.

~Unknown

I wish instead of crying today because of the loss of our baby, I was crying for joy.  For the joy of announcing the birth of our Bennett James or Presley Ann. 

Outtakes - Jacob & Lia together

And finally...photos of Jacob and Lia together.

I think you'll see a trend here...

 

Later I decided I could have sent this one out.  Oh well.

Outtakes - Jacob

As promised - a few outtakes from Jacob's session.  As I mentioned before, he's 4.  He understands certain "magic" words.  He responds well to them.  (I'm not silly enough to think I"ll ALWAYS be able to get away with this!)  After that build up with Lia I hope this isn't a let down. Jacob did really great.

Oh, sure, he did silly things like pull his pants up to his chest practically.

He showed off his tongue rolling skills.

 But mostly, he smiled sweetly at his Momma as he really, REALLY wanted a trip to Chick-fil-a!

This boy...he's my heart. 

And, really, could there be a more beautiful little boy?  I think not.



Somehow, I just don't think it would have been right for me to send a card out with only Jacob's smiling face on it and not Lia's too. 

Up next - trying to get the two of them together!

Outtakes - Lia

I didn't get cards sent out this year at Christmas time or New Years.  I had such great intentions.  I bought nice clothes, agonized over which pair of leggings to put on Lia, found a location I loved that had the right colors for the background, yadda, yadda, yadda.  The big day came for me to take the kids out for the shoot and I was certain that unlike last year, I was going to get some GREAT shots of my kids.  Weeeel...it didn't exactly turn out that way.  Oh, the location was fine, the clothes looked good, and the kids were fed and happy when we got there.  But when a 2 year old decides she is NOT going to cooperate, not amount of begging, pleading, bribing, singing, acting goofy, etc. is going to work.  You just can NOT reason with an unreasonable toddler.  She looked cute, she made me laugh, but she also made me want to pull my hair!  Last year I sent out a funny card.  I actually sent the "out takes" and had a cute little saying on it.  But this year, I wanted something classy.  Not cutesy. 

I present to you Mizz Lia...

When I purchased the dress for Lia I knew I wanted to find something else to add to her dress to give it a little pizazz.  I found what I *thought* was the perfect accessory at a wonderful little children's shop.  I didn't have her with me at the time but I just knew this was going to look really great with her red dress.

ummm...not so much

It's WAY to big for her small frame.  You think this looks funny?  You should have seen what it looked like when I put it in her hair! 

So...here she is looking all excited about being there and having Mom whip out the camera.

Then she sees it...the THING!

"what is this? what will it do to me?"

"OK, I'll pretend I don't know it's there and just entertain myself.  But I will NOT look anywhere near Mom's direction."

"Oh, OK, I'll look at Mom.  Hey Mom, how's THIS for class!"

Then I decided to take the "thing" off.  She didn't really like that.

And, really, how can you go on taking photos when you're getting these looks?  I kind of wanted to cry with her.  But I think it was for reasons different than hers!

This, my friends, is the reason there were no cards sent out during the holidays.  Maybe next year?

Up next - Jacob.  He's 4.  He understands magic words like "McDonalds, Chick-fil-a, the park". He responds to them very well!

Photo Wall Answers

Thanks for you compliments on my photo wall.  A couple of you asked what the photos are printed on.  I ordered the photos on matboard so that they would stand up in my little shelf.  And, yes, I made those ledges myself.  (Well, my brother *may* have helped some too.)  The small photos are 5X7 and the large ones are 16X20.  Over time I plan on adding/subtracting/changing the photos.  What ever suits my fancy.  That's one of the things I like most about this is I can change it all around it won't be expensive or leave holes in the wall!

Thanks, too, for sharing with me what your favorite part of your home is.

Photo Wall

Over the course of the last 3 years I've done a few things to our home to give it a much needed "face lift".  Our house was built in 1979 and in many ways it still looks like 1979.  But we're working on that a little at a time.  Most of the rooms have been painted now.  Amazing how much of a difference that makes.  The project that I'm most proud of, though, is my photo wall in the kitchen eating area.  Sometimes I just sit and look at these photos and take a little trip down memory lane.  This area makes me smile like no other.

1.  July 2007 - J was 15 months old and we had just moved back to TX.  I took him out to a local park one  day for fresh air and a photo shoot.  He started walking for the first time as we were out there.  Talk about being feeling lucky!  He was all dressed up in a cute little outfit, I had my camera in hand, and we were at a great place for taking pictures.  I was so proud of my little boy.

2.  April 2010 - J's "official" 4 year old photo.

3.  July 2010 - summer fun.  J was 4 yrs 3 mo and Lia was one month shy of 2 years.

4.  October 2008 - Lia's first church convention.  J was 2 1/2 yrs, L was 3 weeks.  Texarkana, TX

5.  March 2010 - J 4 yrs, L 18 mo

6.  May 2007 - J 1 yr.  David had just moved to TX but J and I were still in FL trying to sell our house there.  This was taken one Sunday evening when we went for a walk on the beach with my In-Laws.  I wanted to send some pictures to David to make him smile.  I'm not sure if that was the result, though, or if it just made him home-sick.

7.  May 2009 - L 8 mo.  Lia in her "Heelarious" shoes.  Yes, at 8 months I had a pair of zebra striped stilettos for her! ;)  The girl loves shoes.  I'm not sure where she gets that from.  Of course at 8 months she was really more interested in eating them than wearing them.

8.  September 2010 - L's "official" 2 yr photo.

9.  March 2010 - L 18 mo.  I feel myself relaxing when I look at this photo.  I don't see her spunk and personality here, I just see beauty and perfection.

10.  June 2009 - L 9 mo.  A friend of mine came out with me to do Lia's 9 mo shoot.  At the end of our session we just sat down to relax and yack a bit.  Teresa happen to have my camera in her hand at this point and shot this as Lia was relaxing on me.  This is another photo that I physically feel peace washing over me as I look at it.

11.  2009 - J 3 yrs - Taken one day at Teresa's house.  It was a beautiful day out and J was running around in true little boy fashion.  This just makes me happy.

Now you've all had a little stroll down my memory lane too.  Thanks!

What's your favorite spot in your house?

WHAT??

You mean to tell me this is the last day of 2010??

I feel kind of how Lia looks in this photo.  Shocked that this year is over.  There have been days when I've felt as out of control of my life/feelings as her hair.  I've had a cut that has left a scab on my heart, just as there is a small scab on her forehead.  I've had sleepless nights that have left bags under my eyes.  But...look at the overall picture - what I see is a beautiful little girl beneath the minor temporary imperfections.  She's happy and she brings so much joy to so many people.  She's quick with a smile and loves to laugh. I'm getting closer and closer to being that girl too.  Back to the "old" Kristen.  2011is going to be a great year!!

Dancing Partner

Grief has been my dancing partner these last few days and I'd really like for him to go away.  I'm ready for a new partner and a new song.

Life's A Dance

...and when you're dancing with Daddy, you know it's all going to be OK

There is deeper meaning to this post than just what you see in the pictures.  I am thankful for what this represents to me.

Shoot Me!: 28 Thanksgiving version

"Chocca-Chocca" Choo Choo

With all the cute holiday decorating ideas floating around I decided it would be great fun for the kids and I to build a gingerbread train.  Off I went to the store to get the goodies to put one together.  I had such visions in my head of exactly how this was going to go. Weeeeeeell...it didn't exactly work out how I'd planned, but we did have fun.  The project did take about 3 days to complete.  But this is me we're talking about.  I do not have a "crafty" bone in my body.  I want to, I try to, but it just doesn't work for me.  I have my Mom to thank for that.  She doesn't either.  You're born with it or not...and we were not. 

I present to you our "Candy Chocca-Chocca" that took us 3 days to put together.   This should have been a quick, few minute project.  Oh well...it was cute and we had a great time.  (*the kids had a great time...I just about went nuts trying to keep the crazy thing "glued" together  *I MAY have a few more gray hairs)

sweet little boy fingers...he tried so hard to put all the little candies on there just perfect

he's a perfectionist by nature, a place for everything and everything in it's place

he is NOT like his mother in that respect

sweet chubby baby girl fingers...she was just happy to be playing in candy

she is NOT a perfectionist, there is usually a trail left in her wake

she IS like her mother in that respect

finished "chocca-chocca"

kind of Dr. Seuss'ish

This just made me smile every time I looked at it. 

That crooked smoke stack - it's kind of like our lives.  It may not be perfect, but it does serve a purpose and hopefully it's pleasant to look at.

Thanksgiving

This year David's parents and grandparents visited us from Florida for Thanksgiving.  We had a great time with them.  Of course there was the standard over abundance of scrumptious food...but that was only a small part of what we enjoyed.  What we really loved:

 plenty of kisses to go around...can't get too many of those

 lots of time playing...nothing like Grandpa to make a girl feel like she's the only one in his world

 quiet time reading books...sweet time spent with Mimi

Jorge & Gilma T.

Abuelo y Abuela

Magdeline & David S.

Mimi & Grandpa

I'm Gonna Miss This...

I haven't posted as much over the last few weeks as I've been just enjoying these moments that are fleeting before my eyes.  Time waits for no man, my children included, and I have been in awe of them more than ever lately.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't just gaze in wonder at these two little children I get to call mine.  Sure, sometimes I get weary, sometimes I want to pull my hair out, sometimes I want to scream at the top of my lungs because I feel overwhelmed by the commotion caused by these two; but one day I'll want to do these things because of the lack of commotion.  So...I busted out the camera this past week (surprise, surprise) and just took a few shots of the everyday happenings that make my world go round.  A few things I'm going to miss:

A shared "Super Hero" cape

Because they're each each other's super hero.  He can't live without her and she worships the ground he walks on.  (Which pretty much sums up my feelings for both of them.)  And they're both my Super Hero's!

Personal Concerts 

I'm privileged to have impromptu concerts put on for me.  It's almost always a duet.  It's beautiful music if I do say so!  

Couch Time

These two love to play on the couch.  They hide under their blanket "tent", make each other laugh, tell stories, and show off new tricks to Mom.

Play puzzle/ magnet books

They can sit for a long time working together with these books.  He tells her where to put the magnets and she does.  Those chubby fingers - oh my!  And the Towmater band aid, necessary due to a fall.  And really, there's something magic about band aids that can heal just about anything.

Sweet Dreams

I feel so privileged to get to call these two little angels mine.  I am one lucky Mom.