Just Because...

...this makes me smile.

Yes, yes, there is a story behind this photo.  I'll eventually get this blog caught up and I'll yack about what is going on here...in the mean time I want to see something that makes me smile when I pull up my blog.

Empty Arms

I have no idea where to start.  I guess “I hurt” would be a good place.  Mentally. Emotionally.  Today is the day our baby was due.  Of course there will be no baby for us.  I know there are others in harder situations than ours.  I know others have suffered much more than we have.  I know we already have two healthy, beautiful, wonderful children.  I know something was wrong with our third baby or s/he wouldn’t have died.  I know so many things with my head.  But my heart doesn’t care.  My heart only understands emotions, and right now those emotions are pretty painful.  Someone wrote “The loss of an unborn child leaves no physical evidence to the rest of the world. Their smiling face and bright future are left only in the dreams and hopes of the parents. We grieve every day for what could have been. We sit at the dinner table where there could be another plate.  We wish that there was one more smiling face in the family portrait. So many wonder how can you miss something you never had.”  Those words are so true.  The thing is, we did have that child.  But it was only for a little while.  And though they never left any marks in the world, they left marks in our hearts.

You never said you’re leaving,

You never said goodbye.

You were gone before I knew it,

And only God knows why.

A million times I’ve missed you,

A million times I’ve cried.

If love alone could have saved you,

You never would have died.

To some you are forgotten,

To others just part of the past;

But to me who loved and lost you,

Your love will always last.

In life I loved you dearly,

In death I love you still.

In my heart you hold a place,

That nobody could ever fill.

It broke my heart to lose you,

But you didn’t go alone.

For part of me went with you,

The day God took you home.

~Unknown

I wish instead of crying today because of the loss of our baby, I was crying for joy.  For the joy of announcing the birth of our Bennett James or Presley Ann. 

Outtakes - Jacob & Lia together

And finally...photos of Jacob and Lia together.

I think you'll see a trend here...

 

Later I decided I could have sent this one out.  Oh well.

Outtakes - Jacob

As promised - a few outtakes from Jacob's session.  As I mentioned before, he's 4.  He understands certain "magic" words.  He responds well to them.  (I'm not silly enough to think I"ll ALWAYS be able to get away with this!)  After that build up with Lia I hope this isn't a let down. Jacob did really great.

Oh, sure, he did silly things like pull his pants up to his chest practically.

He showed off his tongue rolling skills.

 But mostly, he smiled sweetly at his Momma as he really, REALLY wanted a trip to Chick-fil-a!

This boy...he's my heart. 

And, really, could there be a more beautiful little boy?  I think not.



Somehow, I just don't think it would have been right for me to send a card out with only Jacob's smiling face on it and not Lia's too. 

Up next - trying to get the two of them together!

Outtakes - Lia

I didn't get cards sent out this year at Christmas time or New Years.  I had such great intentions.  I bought nice clothes, agonized over which pair of leggings to put on Lia, found a location I loved that had the right colors for the background, yadda, yadda, yadda.  The big day came for me to take the kids out for the shoot and I was certain that unlike last year, I was going to get some GREAT shots of my kids.  Weeeel...it didn't exactly turn out that way.  Oh, the location was fine, the clothes looked good, and the kids were fed and happy when we got there.  But when a 2 year old decides she is NOT going to cooperate, not amount of begging, pleading, bribing, singing, acting goofy, etc. is going to work.  You just can NOT reason with an unreasonable toddler.  She looked cute, she made me laugh, but she also made me want to pull my hair!  Last year I sent out a funny card.  I actually sent the "out takes" and had a cute little saying on it.  But this year, I wanted something classy.  Not cutesy. 

I present to you Mizz Lia...

When I purchased the dress for Lia I knew I wanted to find something else to add to her dress to give it a little pizazz.  I found what I *thought* was the perfect accessory at a wonderful little children's shop.  I didn't have her with me at the time but I just knew this was going to look really great with her red dress.

ummm...not so much

It's WAY to big for her small frame.  You think this looks funny?  You should have seen what it looked like when I put it in her hair! 

So...here she is looking all excited about being there and having Mom whip out the camera.

Then she sees it...the THING!

"what is this? what will it do to me?"

"OK, I'll pretend I don't know it's there and just entertain myself.  But I will NOT look anywhere near Mom's direction."

"Oh, OK, I'll look at Mom.  Hey Mom, how's THIS for class!"

Then I decided to take the "thing" off.  She didn't really like that.

And, really, how can you go on taking photos when you're getting these looks?  I kind of wanted to cry with her.  But I think it was for reasons different than hers!

This, my friends, is the reason there were no cards sent out during the holidays.  Maybe next year?

Up next - Jacob.  He's 4.  He understands magic words like "McDonalds, Chick-fil-a, the park". He responds to them very well!